Kim Kersey Blog

We are spiritual beings having a human experience. – Teilhard de Chardin

The Hand We Are Dealt

Clarinet pic © 2013 Stefanie Neumann

I have always been envious of musical talent in others.  In my early teens as I was trying to think my way into a career path, I found myself facing the fact that my own talents were merely moderate and my musical mind too blunt to allow for a successful career.  Encouragement from teachers or friends felt good.  I was not convinced.

I was torn between believing that only a great desire on my part could fuel a musical career – a desire I did not possess – or believing that only sufficient talent would open door after door and that process would always compel me to continue, all the while supporting my happiness and success.

I believed that those that I deemed successful had great talent and great opportunity.  These successful ones had great teachers, supportive family, friends, teachers and protégés.  I believed their life was happy because they enjoyed demonstrating their talents and abilities and found that they were always the standout, the best of the best – each opportunity to perform providing yet another triumph to feed their egos and their good fortunes.

Deciding that only hard work and practice could compensate for any shortfall in talent, I worked hard practicing the clarinets (all of them) and relished my experience as an ensemble player in various student groups (bands, clarinet choirs, wind ensembles, orchestras and pick up groups).

Still, all the while it felt like my star could not rise very far.  I struggled with the idea of what I considered the ideal – playing professionally in a top quality organization – and perhaps only being a very average student player who teaches children in public schools.  The latter did not feel important enough to me.  This depressed me.

Since that time, I have done more reading about the lives of some very talented, very famous musicians.  And I have done lots of homework metaphysically practicing with tools that help with the release of negative patterns and tools that support the allowance of self-love.  It has been a slow and sad wake up call.  It has felt like “Yeah, I know.  I knew that.”

A great talent coupled with a strong desire to share one’s gifts guarantees nothing.  The income, respect or fame that is experienced may be great or small or somewhere in between.

As this obvious fact slowly soaked in through my preconceived, egoistic belief system I have had to be stern with myself to learn one of the lessons in life that I believe I am here to learn: the life being lived that I perceive in others is what it is and it is not a demonstration of anything to do with
me.

I believe now that ambition, something I possess in very a low quantity, is not a key ingredient to success.  Neither is desire, talent or luck.  It is really more of a personality trait.  It is neither good nor bad.

I have learned that what a life looks like from the outside is ultimately meaningless to the person living it.  Instead it is the feeling each person has in their heart as they live their life each day that is the true nature of our experience.

Being honest with ourselves, honoring ourselves and choosing a life path that resonates as fully as possible with our own personal truth is the foundation for finding joy.

I now know it is okay to believe that the experience of being in the world is very personal.  We cannot observe others’ behavior as a way to figure out how we should be.  We cannot covet what we believe to be an ideal life that another has.  Such observations of the overt are helpful as we navigate our way through the world (literally and figuratively) but they help not at all with allowing our heart’s desires to come through.

I breathe a deep breath of release.  The connection of heart and life is nothing to do with what we call talent.  It is nothing to do with money, friends, family or luck.  We are all equipped to function fully in living a life that awakens our personal truth, our personal connection to our life here on Earth.

What does that end up looking like one might ask?  Feel within yourself for that experience.  Love yourself.  Allow your heart to resonate and feel acceptance, clarity, happiness.  You had these feelings before you had a body and you can experience them with a body as well.  This is truly the hand you were dealt.  Your fullness and flawlessness has always been who you are.

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2014 March, 21 Posted by | Self-Love | , , , , , , , | 4 Comments